6 Questions… They Bought It… I Got It

It had been years since I first saw one of my friends sweat over a US visa interview – today, it was my turn to face the music. I wasn’t nervous. Maybe a little restless though -  I wanted to get it over with as quickly as I can. After waiting 30 mins in sun and another hour in the shade inside, they put me in the firing line…

Visa Guy: You’re Abhishek Paudel Chhetri?

Me: Yes sir.

Visa Guy: How are you doing?

Me: Fine sir.

Visa Guy: So, you’ve got full scholarship? (with smile)

Me: Yes sir. (copying his smile)

Visa Guy: University of Texas, Dallas?

Me: Yes sir.

Visa Guy: Which subject?

Me: Computer Engineering. (wondering if it’s Computer Science)

Visa Guy: Excited?

Me: Yes sir.

Visa Guy: (Smiling) Come today at 1.

Me: (Smiling even more) Thank you sir.

… As easy as taking a candy form a kid (not that I’ve ever tried it though)

It’s Between Me And God

They say life’s fun. You live each day for others expectations, and die each day for some of your own. Hope is the biggest problem – doesn’t let you let go.

They say history repeats itself. I have seen it too. Sometimes so accurately that you see what’s coming from miles away. Still, hope is the problem. Hope that maybe things will be different this time.

They say definition of madness is to try the same thing again and again, expecting different results. Again, hope is the problem. Makes you go against all your reasons, all your logic.

They say hope is a good thing, and no good thing ever dies. Personally, I prefer to have faith. Hope is too short term, too circumstantial. Faith in destiny is better – less confining to the hard reality.

They say everything changes. Well, then why does history have to repeat itself!

They say life’s fun…

When hungry for a ray of hope,
They die starving coz there’s none
I don’t know why they complain,
I think it’s really fun

Never Meant To Be

Like a sunshine to a flower,
In its darkest hour,
That is how much you’ve meant to me
And now I’m back in pain,
It’s getting dark again,
I guess it was never meant to be

I could never say,
The words to make you stay,
And now I’m gonna have to set you free
I’ll have to live my life,
Walking on edge of knife,
Coz somethings are just never meant to be

Happiness tastes bland,
Hopelessness rules the land,
My world is barren as far as I can see
So my heart lays dead my fren,
Will never beat again,
Coz somethings are just never meant to be

FUD

Fear

The moments I prayed
would never end,
the clouds of hope
that never rained,
are hunting me now
as I say goodbye.
Coz the truth
makes living hard
and the hope
doesn’t let me die.

Uncertainty

I’m turning away
from where I want to be
I’m running away
where – I don’t clearly see
I think I’m making my choices
or they’re being made for me
I think I’m waiting for ‘the’ choice
that’ll finally set me free

Doubt

Doubts,
yours and mine
Indecisions,
and I’m running out of time
Choices,
I’m second guessing them all
Hope,
prelude to the eventual fall

Pictures Of Her

Pictures of her, new and old
Scars they carry, memories they hold
The grief inflicted cannot be told
A chance glimpse of her and my heart gets cold

Time heals all wound they say, I’m waiting for my turn
It’s hard to stay hopeful, when in happiness you burn
Nothing to look forward to and it hurts to look back
The rainbow after my rain is painted all black

How About Now?

Me: Give me one Sunday… I’ve got few plans.

You: There’s just one Sunday in a week, how can I give you that

… Well princess, how about now?!!

About This Morning’s Dance Class

you dance – floating in air
you twirl – wind on your hair
you move – gliding your feet
my heart – just skipped a beat

the smile – bright on your face
the green – shines on your dress
the look – your eyes so shy
my heart – I kissed it goodbye

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A little bit of – laughter that we share,
A little bit of – sorrows that we tear,

With every passing moment, somewhere, around the heart, I fear,
I see you going far away – you are not near…………………………

- the Dancer

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A little bit of laughter – and there’s much more to come
A little bit of sorrow – I’ll make sure there are none

In every passing moment, somewhere, around the heart, I know,
We’ll always be near – no matter where I go…………………………

A Walk In The Rain

It’s middle of the day, office hour. I am in office, working… or at least pretending. It’s raining outside. I just locked my computer, got up and went for a stroll around the block… And I’ve never felt better.

I was talking to a very close friend of mine, a fellow Libran I might add. I was telling him about the rain – how depressing it’s making me feel. My exact words – “It’s raining outside and I’m feeling the same inside”. His reply – “Librans are always senti when it rains”. It’s like it washes away the disguise and the pretense and leaves me with exactly how I’m feeling.

Something’s suddenly snapped inside and I just got up and walked. I didn’t know where I was going and for once, I didn’t care. It felt good. I’ve always loved the feel of raindrops on my face. For a moment I just wanted to keep walking and never turn back. And now that I’m back I don’t recall anything this worthwhile I did for myself in a long long time.

In this life, where each of our actions are judged by others and ourselves alike – where we need to think and rethink a millions times before doing or saying anything, until the passion dies away and nothing seems worth doing anymore – it felt good to just listen to my heart for once.

——————————————————————————————————————

(The following beautiful lines are from a girl who claims she hates to be out on the rain… the content, however, is quite contrary to that . Anyway, I absolutely loved the lines and the fact that she attributes my writing for its inspiration… )

“From the infinity, falling in drops, so pure, so innocent

Unaware of anything,

You fall upon me, land on my head, slide over my face and through my eyes

You make me equally pure as you are, you make me feel me and let that one moment be free… that one moment be mine.”

- Nite_Lite

Instant Poetry

This is an excerpt from an interesting chat I had with ‘chhuchi’. After receiving threats of missing out on a chocolate that she was supposedly gonna share with me, for baseless charges of making fun of her looks, I had to come up with this in some 2-3 mins…

When you were walking towards the canteen,
In that flowing orange dress,
I look inside, where my heart should’ve been,
Couldn’t find a trace.

The flowers were shy,
Couldn’t compete with your eyes,
Your smile like a gentle breeze.

When you get chocolate,
From P. dai,
Can I have a bite too, please

… and guess what! I got the chocolate.

Fear For Fear

The colors, the music, the people
And I’m there…
But you don’t care!
Hunting me for months…
My biggest fear!!!

For once I wanted something else to scare me,
To scare me more
Like never before

For 1.8 seconds,
After a long time
A new fear in mind,
As it should
As I had hoped it would
It felt good,
It really felt good!

Losing My Senses

Looking back everything seems like a dream,
The calmness, the chaos,
The silence, the screams.

People I talked to, things I said,
Fragments of memory come alive and die,
It’s hard to know what’s real and what’s not,
When you feel so low and get so high.

Thank you all for being there,
And thank you for listening to all I said.
Sometimes when you lose your heart,
It kinda feels good to lose your head.

Garden of Dreams

You can’t plan perfection.

It’s not that I hadn’t been planning, but things unfolded differently, yet for better. The place was beautiful and the company even more so

I was hoping this to be a pleasant surprise, hopefully more of pleasant than surprise. And I’m glad you took it as one. It went well with the theme of the day – “Places you’ve never been before”.

There were few surprises hidden for both of us. The restaurant’s menu was an interesting aspect of the day – despite of my best effort I think I’ve forgotten the names of the things we ordered – Florentine or something. And not to mention few known and unexpected faces.

Thank you for listening to my stories, tolerating my stupid jokes, being adventurous with the food selection and for walking – especially for walking even when your legs were hurting. Well, all in all, it was a wonderful day, made even more special with the presence of a wonderful friend.

Hope to have more of these in future. Thank you for being there.

Missing You

(found these lines in a friend’s gtalk message, written for his sweetheart on the other side of the world)

Close your eyes
Relax your body and stop breathing
… as long as you can.

Now breathe…
I miss you as much as you missed the air.