One Late Night At 6 AM

Am I evil?
Is that why I cannot sleep?
Or is it because of the pain and despair,
Trapped and I can’t weep.
I tell myself I’m right
Coz in the mirror,
I can meet myself in the eyes.
Or maybe I’ve become so delusional
That I’m believing my own lies.
But I ask you -
Is it so selfish to look out for yourself,
When you’ve done all the good,
And the Gods have been of no help.
Do good and good you’ll receive, they said,
And blindly, I followed their way,
There’ll be trouble along the path, they said,
But everyone will have their day.
I waited for my day to come,
But the fate skipped my turn.
Now, I’m taking my fate on my own hands,
Let the world burn.
I took a shot at being good,
It was never meant for me.
If evil gets me what I want,
Then it’s evil I shall be.

Wanted: I-20, RA, Salary Raise, Woofer, etc., ……… & My Lost Dignity

As I sit here trying to make sense of it all, I realize that this could take a little time.

It’s been a while, well a little more than a week, since I posted anything here, and this is not how I pictured my next post to be. And ya, it has nothing to do with college applications, or my job, or my obsession with music. It’s about misplacing your priorities and being taken for granted.

You never stop learning. The moment you think you know it all, you’re the biggest stupid there is. Trust me I’ve been one many times. Sometimes I even wonder if I’m getting dumber each day. Or maybe just delusional or simply complacent. Whatever it is I feel as if I’ve snapped out of it. Don’t know how long it’s gonna last though.

We often have to make many sacrifices for others; nothing wrong with that. I believe in destiny; following your heart. When you truly want something in your life you’ve got to give it all you’ve got. Give it your all, but not your dignity.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow. But I know that the first thing you need to do, the moment you’ve realized that you’ve dug yourself into a hole, is stop digging.

Lastly,……… “You don’t do that to friends…… you just don’t.”

Final Analysis

I analyze a lot. Everything. All the time. And all I got out of it is tired. Maybe this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, maybe it’s not how we’re supposed to live. Then again, maybe I’m getting myself into yet another analysis…

Don’t think too much; you’ll start to doubt everything. Just listen to your heart. Say what you want to say, write what you want to write… sing all you want to sing.

Savour each moment… each feeling… feel and feel alive. Don’t judge… understand others… and most importantly yourself.

I’ve never laughed in vain, never shed a tear in vain. Vanity is for those who seek something in the end. All that is there to see, all that is there to feel, it’s all in the moments.

A smile can change a night into a day and a simple line can change a day into a night. I know in the long run it’s all in vain but I seek my meanings in the moments in between.

There’s Heaven Around Me And Hell Within

There are people who wish they could hear what goes inside other people’s head… I wish I could stop hearing what goes inside mine.

There’s heaven around me and hell within. I guess it’s the same with most of us. I believe we are the reason we are complaining.

I want to turn deaf ear to these doubts, these premonitions. I want to hear that laughter, that voice… unfiltered… straight from my ears to my heart. For once, I want to be happy for all that I’ve got and not worry about all that I could lose.

 

… … I’m listening to “Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong… for 37th time tonight.

About Love

I posted a quote by Neil Gaiman and got hammered with comments. I’d like to believe that those were directed at the original writer and not at me. Anyway, all the talk about love made me contemplate, and it took me back to something I wrote ages ago… … …

Today I saw you again.
The beauty, the elegance,
Soothing -
Like a summer rain.
Floating with grace.
The day,
Singing with your laughter,
Brightened by your face.
I looked in your eyes,
I got lost,
Charmed!
Mesmerized!
Then you looked at me;
Time stood still.
You smiled at me,
I could feel,
A music in the air;
Like a violin somewhere,
Breaking the silence of a calm sea.
I just stood there.
A million things to say,
Couldn’t utter a word;
My lonely serenade,
Untold!… Unheard!

… … … Love is amazing!… it makes your days brighter, your worries lighter… it makes you wannabe a better man!… your priorities change in moments… it is beyond all logic, all reasons… … to the whole world you’re someone and to someone you’re the whole world… it matters!!

More on Soul Searching

“Soul searching won’t get you anywhere when there’s not much to search for.”

I see vanity everywhere. When I look at life from  a certain distance I see endless loops. Change is just an illusion. Nothing ever changes. I keep coming back to the same place again and again.

Maybe that’s why some the most trivial things in life give me the most joy. The minor things in life are the most important for me, because, even though for a few fleeting moments, they take me away from the ineluctable futility.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m neither a nihilist, nor a pessimist. Strangely enough, I regard my self an optimist… it’s just, I’m not too good at it.

A Bit of Soul Searching

I was just trying to think my life object oriented way and I thought I have become the worst instance of it.

- waamax

Soul searching won’t get you anywhere when there’s not much to search for.

- theCipher